


What's Been On Your Mind?

by Punrise



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, M/M, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-11 15:49:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15318864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punrise/pseuds/Punrise
Summary: “My Ma’s dead, Rich,” Eddie says after a while of silence. It feels weird to utter the words aloud. “Mike called this morning.”Eddie has to deal with losing his mother and returning to Derry. Richie's there to support him through the whole thing.





	1. Chapter 1

“I don’t _want_ to fucking talk, Richie!” Eddie yells, slamming his fist down on the dark wood of the dining room table, cutting off his husband mid sentence. Water spills from his glass with the force that he hits the table, but Eddie doesn’t notice as his eyes well with tears. “For once in your life will you leave me the fuck alone!”

Across from him, Richie winces and his mouth opens and closes. It’s not often that he’s rendered speechless but Eddie’s sudden outburst manages to do it. His face is full of worry but he doesn’t say anything as he gets up and retreats to the bedroom. Eddie watches him leave with a dull ache in his chest, dropping his gaze down to his plate as he hears the door slam.  

He pushes around the pile of cold chicken chow mein and fried rice on his plate, food that Richie had brought home after work. Eddie has never been too fond of take out and, not hungry in the slightest, he gets up, scraping it into a Tupperware box for Richie to reheat when he’s hungry. He’d probably have it for lunch at work tomorrow. Eddie wouldn’t be there to ask when Richie got home, he’d be on his way to Derry to sort out the funeral arrangements for his Ma.

Even just thinking about her brings pangs of sorrow to Eddie’s chest and it begins to tighten. He absent mindedly reaches for his aspirator but his hand doesn't find it, only a pocketful of loose change and his car keys. He takes a deep breath and steadies himself against the kitchen counter. He doesn’t have asthma, he reminds himself, that’s just what his Ma made him believe. He forces himself to continue to take deep breaths and although the tightness disappears, the sorrow doesn't. A sob escapes and he closes his eyes against a threatening tide of tears. They roll down his cheeks anyway. He doesn't bother to wipe them away.

Eddie was at work when he got the call. Mike Hanlon, one of his and Richie’s closest friends, had let him know that his Ma was dead. Heart attack, Mike claimed. It made sense; his Ma was never the thinnest or healthiest woman and it was no secret that, since Eddie had moved out, she had been piling on the pounds. He supposes that he should have expected it at some point but he guesses that he never wanted to: a parent’s death was rarely a good thing.

Whilst Sonia Kaspbrak hadn’t exactly been a model parent during Eddie’s childhood, she wasn’t the worst. She’d been controlling, demanding and restrictive but he’d loved her and she’d loved him. Maybe a little too much for his own good— he'd barely been able to do anything because she was so protective. He could understand it, though: she was scared. A single parent whose husband had succumbed to a terrible disease — it made sense and, honestly, Eddie didn’t blame her. Sure, none of it was right and he wasn’t about to argue that, but he could see her side to it.

He was going to miss her. He never thought he would; they only talked around once a month now that Eddie had moved to New York and most of the time it was a short phone call, barely a conversation at all. Even so, he would miss that. It was nice to know that she still cared about him whether he had defied her and moved state or not. He was reminded of all of the times she asked him to visit and he declined, citing that work was really busy and he wouldn't be able to get time off. He could have if he'd asked. He just didn't (doesn't) want to return to Derry.

Suddenly he’s bawling. More tears run down his reddened cheeks, his body shakes with sobs that he can't hold back. Somewhere, in the background, he hears the bedroom door open and the Richie’s there, hugging him and running his hand through his hair in a comforting gesture. He leads Eddie over to the sofa and they lay there, Eddie’s head in Richie’s lap and he cries until he feels empty.

“My Ma’s dead, Rich,” Eddie says after a while of silence. It feels weird to utter the words aloud. “Mike called this morning.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Richie says, looking down at Eddie. “Eds—”

“First of all, don’t call me that,” Eddie frowns. Richie knows that he hates being called that. “Second of all, I don’t know. I guess that telling you makes it real and I don’t want it to be real.”

“That’s understandable.” Richie’s voice is soft and he continues stroking Eddie’s hair.

“I have to go back to Derry. I booked the week off of work and Mike says that I can stay with him. I just—  I hate it there. I don’t want to be alone there.”

“You won’t have to be, Spaghetti,” Eddie smiles at the nickname, it’s the first he’s smiled all day. “I’ll go with you if you’d like.”

“I’d like that, Rich. A lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfiction posted on here so please be kind. :)
> 
> I'm hoping that it will be around five-ten chapters long, but that's subject to change. I can say for certain that the other chapters will be longer than this one!
> 
> Thank you very much for reading and I hope that you are having/have had a good day!
> 
> [tumblr](http://pun-rise.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

They book their plane tickets that night. Richie insists on paying for them and Eddie’s too tired and too worn down to stop him. He has a headache, but he doesn’t have enough energy to move to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom so he just puts up with it and closes his eyes, leaning his head on Richie’s shoulder. Richie’s thumb strokes Eddie’s cheek.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” He mumbles. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It was wrong of me.”

“It’s okay,” Richie says, his voice soft. “You were upset. I would be too if I received the news that you had. You didn’t need to apologise.”

“No, I do,” Eddie sits up, putting a hand to his head as the pain flares. “It was wrong of me, Rich. You were just trying to be nice and I— God, Richie, I practically screamed at you. Dead Ma or not I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

He feels the sofa cushion rise as Richie stand up, hears him head into the bathroom. He doesn’t blame Richie for walking away. Although he does think it’s odd after just telling him that everything was okay.

A minute later, the cushion dips back down and Eddie jumps as something cold is pushed into his hand. He opens his eyes to find Richie handing his a cool glass of water and two aspirin and now him leaving makes sense. He accepts them with a mumbled thank you, swallowing the pills with a big gulp of water. He drains the glass after the pills go down, placing it on the coffee table once he’s finished. He leans his head back on Richie’s shoulder.

“I’ll call Mike in a minute and let him know I’m coming with you,” Richie says. “Maybe see if any of the other Losers can get back to Derry for the weekend. Would that be okay with you?”

Eddie nods. It’s more than okay. He misses the other Losers and often finds himself wishing they were all together, but they’ve all branched out (other than Mike who was the only one to stay put) and, whilst they try their hardest to see each other regularly, it’s not that easy. Having them there in Derry whilst he was sorting things out would make it a little bit more bearable.

“You should head to bed,” Richie continues. “Sleep will do you some good.”

///

It’s 7:00AM when Eddie’s alarm goes off. He sits up, turning it off as Richie shifts beside him and lets out a quiet groan. Outside he can hear the hum of an idling car along with the chirping of birds and for a minute everything is peaceful. Then, he remembers that he’s travelling back to Derry today and that neither he nor Richie have packed yet.

“Richie,” he nudges his husband. Richie groans again. Most days, Eddie finds that adorable but today, when they have things to do, not so much. “Come on. We have to get up. We haven’t even packed yet and our flight is in what, 5 hours?”

“Oh shit, yeah,” Richie mumbles. He squints in the early morning light, grabbing his glasses from the nightstand. “I’ll go brew some coffee,” he winks. “You get a head start on the packing.”

“You’re an asshole, Richie Tozier,” Eddie says with a small smile. “Sometimes I wonder why I even married you.”

“It’s because of my charm,” Richie grins, turning to face Eddie before he leaves the bedroom. “Sugar?”

“No thank you.”

Richie closes the door and Eddie throws back the duvet. He stands up, stretches, and heads to the closet to grab the suitcases from the shelf.

He starts with his things first: eight casual outfits (one spare in case he needs it), a slightly more formal outfit, and his suit. Enough underwear and socks, and a variety of medication that he thought he might need to use. He probably wouldn’t end up taking any of them, but it was better to be safe than sorry after all. He finishes by chucking in a couple of books to read when he was down there, and sets aside a crossword puzzle book to put into his carry on. He was halfway through choosing Richie’s outfit when the man himself returned.

“One black coffee,” he holds out the mug to Eddie who takes it gratefully. “How’re you holding up?”

“Better today,” Eddie says as he takes a tentative sip. He hisses as the coffee burns the inside of his mouth and sets it down on the nightstand. “It feels weird, y’know, to think that she’s dead. It hurts and I will miss her, as crazy as that sounds, but I guess that I’ve just never thought about it before.”

“How about going back to Derry?” Richie asks.

“That’s weird too. I fucking hate it there, always have done. It’s a creepy little town but I guess my Ma saw something in it that I didn’t. Mike too.”

“I’ll agree with you there,” Richie nods. “Oh, everyone’s coming down. Stan, Bill, Bev, Ben, all of them. The Losers’ club will be reunited.”

“That’s awesome,” Eddie says. He looks back towards the closet. “I just wish it were under better circumstances though. You reckon they’d come to Ma’s funeral?”

“Of course. They’d do anything for you, Eds,” Eddie decides to let the name slip for this once. “I already asked. They’re all just going to take the week off like we did and stay in one of the hotels near the center. When you know the date then—”

“It’s Wednesday at 2,” Eddie says, inhaling sharply. “At the Methodist Church. I spent the afternoon on the phone planning; Mike gave me a couple of numbers and helped to sort things. There’s a few small things to do, choose some hymns, prayers and the like but the majority of them are sorted. Mike’s a godsend, honestly. He did the majority of it.”

“Always has been,” Richie nods. “Alright. I’ll let them know.”

“Thanks. Is Mike meeting us at the airport?” Eddie starts packing again, anxious to change the conversation before he starts crying again.

“Yeah,” Richie says. “He offered when I called last night to tell him that I was coming. It’s easier than us getting a rental and driving down ourselves, I guess.”

“Definitely.” Eddie agrees.

///

They’re at the airport by 10:30AM. Richie had wanted to wait another half-hour, but Eddie forces him to leave. He likes to be early — it means that they definitely won’t miss their flight, and they would have time to grab brunch. Eddie’s stomach rumbles in the taxi there and he’s reminded that they didn’t eat this morning, too busy packing.

“A cup of coffee doesn’t count as breakfast,” He says to Richie as they arrive. “I’m going to make you eat something.”

Checking in and going through security doesn’t take too long. The couple are in line for an overly expensive coffee shop by 11, and Eddie has to make Richie choose a sandwich. He hates how bad Richie’s eating habits are, and it’s something he’s been trying to change since they got together. No matter what he does, Richie never consistently eats breakfast and there are days that he’ll go until dinner without eating a proper meal. Eddie is horrified when that happens and makes sure that Richie’s plate is piled high.

When they get their order they find their gate and sit on one of the benches. It’s quiet which Eddie appreciates, and they eat their food and drink their coffee in silence disrupted only by tannoy announcements and the occasional passerby looking for their gate. It’s only closer to the departure time that the place starts to fill up and Eddie is annoyed with the amount of kids he’ll be sharing the flight with.

“Fuck, Richie,” Eddie says when they board and take their seats, an overwhelming wave of anxiety crashing down over him. “I don’t know if I can do this. I  _ hate  _ Derry. I hate it and I don’t want to go back there. My Ma is fucking  _ dead _ and I’m never going to be able to talk to her again. I want to get off. I-I want to go home I—”

“Eddie,” Richie grabs his shoulders, turning him to face him.  “You have to go back to Derry. We can’t just turn around and go back home, you need to be there to say goodbye to your Ma. But it’s going to be okay. We’re only going to be there for a week and then we can skidaddle and never look back. I’ll be there with you every step of the way, and so will the others. Okay?”

“O-Okay,” Eddie nods, screwing his eyes shut as he took deep breaths. “Okay. Yeah. It’s just a week. Derry’s changed a lot since we were kids, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“There’s no Bowers and no creepy fuckin’ clowns. Plus, Mike says it’s changed completely,” Richie says, rubbing Eddie’s back. “Although, I hear the Aladdin is still standing. Maybe we could go watch a movie whilst we’re there.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

They quieten down for the safety announcement and then, soon enough, they’re in the air. Eddie pulls the crossword puzzle book from his backpack and sets about completing a puzzle. There are kids yelling and toddlers screaming, but the flight doesn’t end up being too bad.

Eddie actually doesn’t want it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long, and a little more disjointed, than I would have liked, but I’m still figuring out completely what I want to do with this fic (I do have it all planned, but I keep thinking of new ideas!!). Sorry about that! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading despite that, and I’d love to hear what you think so don’t be afraid to comment/message me your thoughts on Tumblr.
> 
> [tumblr](http://pun-rise.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

“Michael Hanlon!” Richie yells as they stroll towards their friend who has been waiting for them by the entrance to the airport. He’s adopted his British Voice and Eddie rolls his eyes. “The one and only. It’s been months, my good fellow. Months! How have ya been?!”

“I’ve been amazing.” Mike beams, giving each of them a hug when they reach him.

“Jolly good, jolly good—”

“Quit it, Richie,” Eddie glares, nudging him. He hates Richie’s voices; they’re no longer funny to him now that he’s heard them so much. “Normal voice, please.”

“Such a buzzkill, this one,” Richie grins, ruffling Eddie’s hair. “So, Mike, how’s it been working at the library?”

“I love it actually,” Mike says as they leave the airport and start crossing the parking lot. “How’s it going up in New York?”

“Good, good,” Richie nods. “Just landed a job at a radio station which is a lot of fun—”

“He only likes it because he gets to do his stupid voices,” Eddie interjects. “I’m still trying to get my head around that. I mean he’s literally getting paid for it, Mike. It’s insane.”

Mike laughs. “Well at least he has an outlet for them.”

“That’s true,” Eddie nods. “I’m going to have to put a ban on them within the apartment, though,” He turns to Richie. “Your voices are for work, babe, not home. Leave them at the office.”

Richie pouts as they near Mike’s car and Eddie thinks that he looks adorable doing that. He presses a kiss to his husband’s lips, the pair of them starting to make out before Mike clears his throat, gesturing to the open trunk. Eddie pulls away, laughing, and moves forward to put his suitcase in the trunk. Richie follows with a goofy grin and flips Mike off before he also puts his luggage in the trunk.

“Just gonna have a quick smoke,” He says, leaning against Mike’s car as Eddie and Mike both start to climb in. “That okay with you both?”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike says.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Eddie shrugs. “But sure, go ahead.”

He closes the door so that he doesn’t have to smell, or breathe in, the cigarette smoke and Mike does the same. For a while there was silence between the two and Eddie can see Mike regarding him in the rearview mirror.

“So,” Mike finally says. “Are you holding up alright?”  
“I think so,” Eddie shrugs. “I mean I’m not curled up in a ball somewhere, and I actually managed to get out of bed this morning, so I’d say so. It just feels a bit unreal.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Mike says. “I’m glad you’re coming back to Derry, though. I know it’s not under great circumstances, but it’s really good to see you and Richie.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Eddie says. “I miss you guys a lot. It would be amazing if we had all stuck together and rented a house somewhere, y’know? It would be a lot, all the time, but it would be nice. Although there is really nothing like meeting up with your best friends after months apart I guess.”

“Oh man,” Mike laughs. “Jeez, if we all lived together that would be absolute hell. Richie and Stan would get into arguments every day, probably over dishes or something stupid, Ben and Bill would constantly be trying to impress Bev. It would certainly be something. I love you Losers, but I don’t think I could handle being with you 24/7.”

“That’s fair enough,” Eddie smiles. “It’s a wonder I haven’t throttled Richie yet if I’m completely honest —”

“Well that’s just rude,” Richie pouts, getting into the car. “Can you believe this, Mikey? Bullied by my own husband.”

///

Eddie sits quietly for the entire ride to Derry. His head has started to hurt again, but his bottle of aspirin is in his suitcase and Mike nor Richie have any on them. He leans back on the headrest and tries to take a nap.

He doesn’t want to see them pull into Derry, back to where little Georgie Denbrough had been murdered, where they had faced the horrors of IT that one summer and where he and the Losers had been ruthlessly tormented by the Bowers gang, although that had come to a stop when Bowers himself was admitted to Juniper. He wonders what coming back to Derry is like for the other Losers. Richie and Mike don’t seem to be bothered, keeping a steady conversation going between them as they drive.

“We’re here, Spaghetti,” Richie says softly, shaking his shoulder. Eddie had already guessed that since Mike had turned off the engine. “How’s your head?”

“Better,” Eddie lies, opening his eyes. “It still hurts though, so I’ll take an aspirin once we’re in the house.”

He gets out of the car and helps Mike with the suitcases. He’s glad to see that Mike has moved away from the farm — Eddie hated the smell and the animals — and his new house is nice. It’s big considering that only Mike lives there, but he supposes that Mike will be thinking about settling down soon if that’s what he wants.

“This will be your room,” Mike says once they’re inside. He leads them upstairs and pushes open one of the doors to reveal a nice decorated room. “I’m only next door if you need anything at all, and Stan will be staying in the guest room downstairs once he arrives.”

“Thank you,” Richie nods. “It’s nice Mikey, real nice. How did you afford this?”

“Sold the farm,” Mike says. “It was too much for me to deal with on my own and the kids I hired to help me during the summer and the adults that were supposed to work full time were flaky. In the end I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. This house is much closer to town anyway, and that’s a blessing when it comes to getting to and from work.”

“That’s fair enough,” Richie says as he places his suitcase on the bed. “At least we don’t have to be near Bowers’ old place anymore. Gave me the creeps after he killed his Dad in there.”

“It always gave me the creeps,” Mike says. “It’s abandoned now and I totally get why; someone would have to be as crazy as Butch and Henry combined to move in. Anyway, I’ll leave you guys to unpack. Stan will be here within the next three hours or so.”

Once the door closes, Eddie places his suitcase on the bed and unzips it. He finds his bottle of aspirin and swallows one dry. He then unpacks his things, arranges his medication on the dresser and turns around to see Richie lying on the bed with his suitcase still full.

“Are you going to unpack, babe?” Eddie asks, raising his eyebrows. He already knows what the answer is.

“Nah,” Richie shakes his head. “We’re only here for a week. What’s the point?”

”The point is that it will stop your clothes from getting wrinkled when you inevitably chuck them around trying to find something else,” Eddie says. “You know that Stan will kill you for that, right?”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Richie shrugs and doesn’t even take his gaze off of his phone.

Eddie isn’t going to try and persuade him any more and he’s certainly not going to unpack for him. If Richie wants to live out of his suitcase then that’s fine. It’s all fine. All he does is move Richie’s suitcase onto the floor so that he can stretch across the bed. Both of them are too exhausted to talk really and Richie stays watching something on his phone, and Eddie just stares at the ceiling with his mind running a mile a minute. He has so much to do; finish off planning the funeral, clean out her house, find time to spend with the Losers. He wonders if the Losers will help him clean out her house — it’ll take a lot less time with the seven of them. He’ll have to ask.

He ends up taking a quick nap to pass the time. Richie does too. When Eddie wakes to the sound of the doorbell his headache is gone and Richie is curled into his side, glasses still on.

Eddie pushes away the gangly limbs, taking off Richie’s glasses for him. He places them on the nightstand and quietly leaves the room. He can hear Stan’s voice and that fills him with excitement but he takes a moment to check in the bathroom mirror that he looks presentable. It’s a bit of a struggle — Mike’s mirrors are high on the wall and he has to stand in his tiptoes in order to see himself. He fixes up his hair and smooths out his outfit (even though he can’t see how it looks in the mirror) before he heads downstairs

“I thought you were asleep.” Mike says when he sees Eddie on the stairs.

“I was. Richie still is,” Eddie shrugs. “Hi Stan. Long time no see!” He reaches the bottom of the stairs and gives Stan a quick hug.

“How are you holding up, Eddie?”

“Good.” He answers. His Ma’s been dead for two days and in those two days he’s been asked that question too many times: his coworkers and boss, Richie, Mike, Stan, some of the people he had called yesterday to enquire about his Ma’s funeral. It’s a stupid question, he thinks, of course he’s holding up alright; would he be here if not? No. He’d be upstairs in Mike’s guest bedroom crying or even back in New York refusing to travel.

They’re only trying to be polite and Eddie knows that, but he hates the question nonetheless.

“C’mon,” Mike says. “Let’s head to the living room and catch up a little bit. Richie can have a summary of what we’ve been up to in the past couple of months over dinner.”

“No need,” Richie’s voice is croaky, and it’s clear to tell that he’s just woken up. “The man of the hour, Richie Tozier, is here. Hold your applause, Staniel, I know you’re excited to see me.”

Stan is officially the first Loser to give Richie the middle finger on the trip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://pun-rise.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

On the Tuesday, the Losers reunite.

Mike drives Richie, Eddie and Stan to a small cafe that he swears is the best in Derry. Beverly and Ben are already there, having saved them a seat, and the greetings and hugs seem to go on forever. Bill turns up soon after, and they give their orders to Mike who goes up to the counter and carries back the two trays of four teas, three coffees, two pastries, three brownies and two paninis without spilling anything or dropping the trays altogether.

“You know that you could have asked one of us to help you?” Bev raises her eyebrows as he sets the tray down on the table.

“Didn’t need any help,” Mike shrugs. “Anyway, take what’s yours. It’s on me, so don’t worry about paying.”

“Thanks, Mike,” Eddie smiles, taking his tea and pastry. He picks at it, not really hungry but feeling pressured into buying something to eat. “So how has everyone been then?”

“Good,” Bill nods. “Audra and I are in the process of buying a house at the moment. It’s going to need a lot of work to make into our dream house but we’re making it work.”

“Ben and I have just put down a deposit actually,” Bev smiles. “It’s a nice three bedroom, although a little cheap considering. Not that we’re really complaining, but…”

“Probably haunted,” Stan snorts into his coffee, Bev flips him the finger. “Nothing new on this end, just the same old, same old. Still enjoying the accounts but, honestly, I’m waiting for the excitement to die off. Not that I want it too, of course, but it’s a little weird being excited to sit at a desk all day and crunch numbers.”

“Roger that.” Ben laughs.

“Nothing new here, either,” Richie shrugs, gesturing to Eddie. “I’m working on persuading Eddie to get a dog though, and any assistance on the matter would be great. He won’t be moved.”

“We’re not getting a dog, Rich,” Eddie shakes his head. He sips his tea, wincing as it burns the inside of his mouth. “They’re messy and they chew up shoes and you’ll call it some stupid name—”

“Dumbledore is a perfectly good dog name—”

“Yeah, until you’re shouting it over and over in the middle of a park,” Stan smiles. “You should call it something like Steve or Kevin. Those are good dog names.”

“Sometimes I worry about you guys,” Mike sighs, his head in his hands. “I do wonder why I ever became friends with you.”

“Because we were your knights in shining armour,” Richie grins, having eaten most of his panini already. “Saving you from the evilness of the Bowers Gang.”

“Is my debt paid off yet?” Mike smirks. “Cause if so, I’m going home.”

“Mikey you wound me,” Richie pouts. “And if you go home then you’ll have to take me, Eds and Stan with you so there’s no point. There’s no escaping us. At least for this week.”

“I’ll take Eddie back with me but the rest of you are cancelled.” Mike shrugs.

They continue to talk and leave when, judging by the looks being given by the staff, they’ve overstayed their welcome. Still not quite ready to part ways for the day, they all head over to Mike’s house and he insists that they all stay for dinner although he’ll have to nip to the store and grab ingredients at some point.

Eddie spends some of the time up in Mike’s guest room. It’s good to socialise, definitely, and he loves that they’re all together again, but it’s a little too much and he needs some alone time. They all respect that, though, and when he announces that he’s heading upstairs for a little bit, no one asks any questions or tries to stop him. He makes the final arrangements for the funeral that he wasn’t able to do last night and feels a little better once that’s done. He should have done it before, sure, considering that the funeral is tomorrow, but it wasn’t as if he had a big window to plan everything and he wouldn’t have wanted to wait much longer either. Some things are better done sooner than later.

“Eddie?” Mike knocks of the door around twenty minutes later. “I’m heading to the store now. The others are being lazy and don’t want to come, you game?”

“I’m game,” Eddie says after a minute or two of debating whether or not he wants to go. It’ll be good, he thinks, he can’t just shut himself away. “Give me a minute to get my shoes on and stuff.”

“Sure thing. I’ll be waiting in the car.”

///

“Is everything sorted?” Mike asks once they’re both in the car.

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. “It was a little tight, but I think I’ve pulled it off. Have you had anyone respond to the invitation yet?”

Well, it wasn’t an invitation really — just an advert in the newspaper with the place and time and Mike’s number if they wanted to come. Eddie had appreciated it when Mike had suggested it because he really doesn’t know enough about his mom’s social life to invite people. This way, if people like his mom then they could come.

“A couple of people,” Mike says. “Coworkers mostly, I think.”

“From her short lived stint at the grocery store?” Eddie snorts. “Man, she hated that job and lasted like, what, two weeks? But it’s nice that people are willing to come I guess. At least it won’t just be the seven of us. That makes me feel a lot better.”

“It’ll be a nice send off,” Mike says as he drives, sparing a glance at Eddie who gives him a grateful smile. “I don’t think she would’ve wanted that big of a deal. Not out of death.”

“No,” Eddie muses. “She was terrified of it. She liked to make a big deal out of a lot of things, like if the pharmacy was slow getting my meds or I came in a minute after curfew, but I don’t think that this would’ve been one of them.”

“I’m sorry, man, it really sucks.”

“It was always going to happen,” Eddie shrugs. “It’s not as if she was immortal. It just came inda out of the blue I guess.”

“It usually does.” Mike nods.

///

Sonia’s viewing and funeral is on the Wednesday.

Eddie fidgets at the breakfast table, not wanting to eat the food that Mike placed in front of him. He’s not exactly hungry — not at the idea that in two hours his mom would be buried or that tomorrow he has to return to his childhood house and gut it of his mom’s belongings — but with Richie’s gentle coaxing he manages a slice of toast before his stomach starts to protest and he can barely keep down what he just ate let alone consider anything else.

He notices how gentle Richie, Stan and Mike are being with him and even that makes him want to burst into tears. They’re so nice to him, what the fuck? They’re going to help him clean out the house, they’re coming to the funeral so that he won’t be alone. It’s all just a little too much and he bursts into tears in the middle of combing his hair in the downstairs bathroom, overwhelmed by everything.

“Babe, let me do it.” Richie says softly, taking the comb and gel from Eddie’s hands. He lets him cry as he parts Eddie’s hair and hugs him tightly when he’s done.

“I’m sorry—” Eddie starts to apologise, but Richie shakes his head and cuts him off with a kiss.

“It’s okay to cry, Eddie,” he says when they pull apart. “You don’t have to apologise for anything, okay? This is a hard day and you’re allowed to grieve.”

“I love you, Rich,” Eddie sniffs, leaning his head on Richie’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you either, Spaghedward.”

///

He doesn’t cry that much at the viewing, rather sits in a seat for almost the entirety of it. His mom’s old school friends and coworkers, a lot more turned up that he was expecting, come and give him hugs. They talk to him about what his mom was like and, for the most part, they can all agree that she could be a handful sometimes. It was one way to put it, he thinks, but they all have positive things to say as well. His mom hadn’t been the best parent, and some of her behaviour couldn’t be excuse, but he supposes that she was scared. He would be too, although she still shouldn’t have taken it out on him like she did.

The Losers are there too and they comfort him and talk with him and he’s grateful for their presence. Whilst it’s nice to have others there that weren’t them, the familiarity of the Losers is comforting; he hasn’t met at least 80% of the others there, and he doesn’t think that he could do this on his own with a bunch of older ladies who still pinch his cheeks and tell him that he looks so much like his dad.

The group becomes smaller when they head to the service, though. He doesn’t blame them and, honestly, the smaller group is better. It’s not as loud and there’s not as much going on as there was at the viewing and he stands next to Richie, his eyes welling up as the priest at the church speaks. His voice and hands shake when he gives his eulogy but he stumbles through it with his eyes trained on his printed word document.

He leans on Richie when they stand at the graveside, tossing down a handful of dirt onto the coffin. It’s this part that gets to him the most and even though he’s been crying almost non stop since they entered the church, this is where he starts to sob and earns the looks of pity from the others. Richie holds him when they pause outside of the front of the church to say goodbye to the old school friends and coworkers. He doesn’t give them any more hugs but he tells them how much he and his mom appreciated it.

It’s raining lightly when they reach Mike’s house, all of the Losers together. They sit in Mike’s living room and Mike serves tea that Eddie can’t really taste but feels the warmth of it as it slides down his throat. He calms down a little then, aware that the worst part of it is over, but his eyes are still watery and his cheeks sting. He asks the Losers if they’ll help him tomorrow and they all agree and then he’s hugging them and telling them how much he appreciated their support, blurting out what he was crying over in the bathroom this morning. It’s honestly remarkable how much they all love each other and Eddie is honestly glad that they’d kept in contact when leaving Derry.

The worst is over, he reminds himself as he takes off his suit that afternoon, he’ll be back in New York and away from Derry soon.

Like Richie said, it’s all going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not, like, the biggest fan of how this turned out but it was my sixth time writing this chapter and it's miles better than any of the other versions. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [tumblr](http://pun-rise.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick little chapter to finish things off.

As much as Eddie didn’t want to go to Derry, leaving it is bittersweet. They’d packed up the car last night and so all they needed to do was roll out of bed, grab something to eat, and then Mike was going to drive them back up to the airport with Stan. A week wasn’t enough time with the Losers but it was too much time back in Derry. Eddie doesn’t know how Mike can stand it.

He sits at the breakfast table, a bowl of cereal in front of him. Richie is somewhere upstairs and he hasn’t seen Stan yet, only briefly talking to Mike when he was brewing coffee as Eddie was pouring milk on his cereal. It’s a slow morning which Eddie is grateful for because there hasn’t been many of those since they got to Derry, they’ve been rushing out the door to meet with others or to go somewhere and it’s been kind of taxing. Eddie is going to ask for a couple more days off work once they get back to New York and he’s going to be using those to catch up on missed sleep for sure.

“You ready to go?” Richie asks, entering the kitchen. “Mike says we should leave soon.”

“You haven’t even eaten yet,” Eddie raises his eyebrows. “You need to eat, Rich, I’m not arguing with you.”

Richie eats an apple for breakfast and Eddie can’t complain because it’s better than nothing. Then Mike and Stan join them and they have a quick piece of fruit for breakfast too and then they’re off and they’re driving to the airport. Eddie’s not sad, per se, about leaving Derry, but he’s not exactly overjoyed about it either. Ben and Bev had left last night and Stan was leaving the next day he was pretty sure. Bill had invited Audra down for a bit, apparently wanting to show her around Derry. Eddie couldn’t understand that at all. He wasn’t sure why Bill would want to do that, but it was his call.

“I’ll miss you guys,” Mike says, glancing back to the passenger seats where Richie and Eddie were sat. “We’ll all have to arrange a get together again soon, although hopefully under better circumstances this time.”

“Hopefully,” Eddie echoes. “We should see about another group Skype call. I know the last one was absolute chaos, but…”

“I’m so up for that.” Stan and Richie say at the same time.

“Eddie and I are free most nights,” Richie continues. “So it’s up to you guys when we do it because we have no life.”

When they’re finally home, Eddie calls in for the extra days off and curls up on the couch beside a sleeping Richie. It’s been a tough week or so, but they’ve made it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://pun-rise.tumblr.com)


End file.
